My Son’s Story Part 1

Tuesday Testimony

eli

When I first became pregnant in February 2005, I was more than ecstatic to say the least.  My husband and I had been married for four years, and were more than ready to start our family.  Sadly, I carried the baby for only 12 weeks until it passed on April 20.  On April 22 surgeons removed my precious baby.  I wish now that I had let the baby pass naturally, but I was not as wise to the natural ways back then as I am now.    This was one of the most painful times in my husband’s and my life.  There are no words to describe a mother’s feelings when she looses a child.  No matter the age of the child or length of the pregnancy, mothers have a deep connection to that life.  My husband felt this deep sense of loss as well, and at times seemed to take it harder than I.  Through deep sadness and heartache, we pulled through and faithfully believed that God had a plan.

A month or two later, we were in a Christian book store, and I was looking at the clearance items (you know me!).  Among the clearance items was a small white Bible with the name “Eli” engraved on the front.  Only the Lord knows how that Bible ended up there, but I knew in the instant I saw it that I was going to have a son and his name would be Eli.  I can’t explain how I knew this, but I felt the Lord speaking to me through those three golden-engraved letters.

The next month, I found out I was pregnant.  Like almost any woman that finds she is pregnant, I rushed to the computer to calculate my due date.  Tears began streaming down my face as I saw the date  APRIL 22;  the day the surgeons had removed my other baby.  In that moment, peace overwhelmed me and I knew that my son, Eli, would be okay.  When a woman has previously miscarried, it’s easy to be fearful in following pregnancies.  Especially when getting pregnant so quickly after a loss.  It wasn’t this way for me.  The presence of the Holy Spirit, and the Peace that only God can give, let me know that this pregnancy would make it.

At 20 weeks, it was time for an ultrasound.  We were referred to a perinatologist, so that he could take a closer look at the baby.  He diagnosed my son as a “Blue Baby,” meaning he had Transposition of the Great Arteries in the heart.  This meant that he would not be able to survive after birth unless he had immediate heart surgery.  I can’t explain how I knew, but I knew the doctor was wrong.  I knew that my baby was okay.  Next up we saw a cardiologist, who said that the other docter was wrong.  He said my baby had Congenitally Corrected Transposition.  Which is just a fancy way of saying everything is swapped around, but the flow of blood is self-corrected.  This meant he was not a “blue baby,” but actually had a more rare condition. He would not need surgery immediately after birth, but he would need eventual intervention.  If you have ever had experience with children and heart surgeries, you know that the older they get the better chance there is that surgery will be a success.   Though the diagnosis was serious and rare, it was still good news.

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I was able to bring my son to full-term, and give birth completely natural with no intervention on the exact day I had lost my previous child.

I will continue on with more of my son’s story next week.

Edit: I just wanted to add, that each child is special and unique, and one cannot take the place of the other.  I still mourn for the baby I lost, but with God’s help and my children I do find peace.

Loosing a baby and dealing with medical conditions is something many families have to face. I believe that with God, we can pull through the tragedies and reach a place of peace.  I’ll be focusing my prayers this week on all the parent’s that have lost a child, or are struggling with a child’s medical condition. If you have a prayer request for yourself or someone you know, please feel free to leave it here in the comment section. I would love to hear your stories, and/or any encouraging words you may have for others.

Read Part Two of My Son’s Story

32 Comments:
  1. I am so glad you posted this. I lost my 3rd baby this past June at 11 weeks. I still struggle daily with the loss of our sweet baby and also with the loging to be pregnant again which we have yet to be blessed with. I would much appreciate your prayers as we go through the journey of trying for another baby and also grieving the baby we never got to know. I am so sorry for your loss. You summed my feelings up perfectly in this post.

  2. Thank you for your post, I will be keeping you and Zsera in my prayers as well as anyone else who has gone through this. I know all too well myself. I’ve lost a son at 20 weeks, and three other babies all around the 10-12 week mark. I’m blessed with a biological son (our miracle) and an adopted daughter who mean the world to me!

  3. Thanks for your post, Crystal. I too had a miscarriage three years ago in January of 2006. I went for an ultrasound at 10 weeks, and no heartbeat was found. I remember that horrible feeling of my world crumbling. Thankfully, I have a strong Christian family and church family that supported me through that very dark time. And, I had my first son, then 6 years old.

    I kept the faith that God would give us another child, and I was rewarded with my precious son Samuel (named for the prophet…his mother Hannah waited a long time for him). Samuel will be one year on Feb 25th, and he is such a blessing!

  4. What a wonderful testimony you have. I have a prayer request. My son’s homeroom teacher left her teaching position right after Christmas break to give birth to her second child (her son is 3 yrs old). The baby, a sweet girl, was born with no complications and all seemed fine. The next morning, the baby died unexpectedly. Needless to say, the family is devasted, but they have a strong faith and the prayers of friends and family to sustain them. They would covet the prayers of strangers as well I am sure. Thanks.

  5. I feel like I need to share this with you…

    Before my first anniversary I became pregnant and miscarried at 10 weeks, 12-7-2006. I then got pregnant again in 1-2007 and have a healthy baby boy to prove it… named ELI because he was the priest in the Bible that found Hannah praying for a baby! When he was 3 months old I became pregnant again and miscarried 2-4-2008. In March I became pregnant again but miscarried May, 2008. Come September I became pregnant and of course it was REALLY hard after so many losses. My husband and I decided that this was it… we would adopt if this baby did not reach the point of us being able to hold him/her. I soon found out that my due date is June 4th but I will have a c-section which would quite possibly would land on May 25th. Even if its not the exact date, it is very close to the one year anniversary of losing our sweet baby! I’m 21 weeks and all was well in the ultra sound! PRAISE JESUS!!!

    Thank you for sharing your story… I look forward to part two!

    Keely’s last blog post..and they call THIS snow???

  6. Thank you so much for sharing this story about your loss and your son. I had 4 miscarriages before my son (now 5 years old) was born. I felt like I was not able to grieve the loss of my babies. Our society tells us that these unborn babies are not babies they are just fetuses. I had people make comments like “you were only six weeks along, it wasn’t a real baby” and “at least you know you can get pregnant.” I still grieve the loss of these children, but I know that they are in heaven waiting for me and someday I will hold them. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Amy’s last blog post..Dryel Product Review

  7. This post was like an answer to prayer to me. I lost a baby about six weeks ago at just over 6 weeks along. We were devestated, but believe that all things work together for the good of God. I found out over the weekend that I am expecting again, an unexpected, wonderful blessing as we weren’t actively trying again yet. My struggle is to enjoy this new blessing from God as I am tempted to expect the worst. I am trying to stay positive and we’re definitely making sure this baby is covered in prayer, no matter the outcome.

  8. Thank you for sharing your store! It helps me so much to hear others stories and how God always proves faithful! I had a miscarrage in Aug of 07. We found out at our 10 week ultrasound that there was no hearbeat. It was sooo hard and really still is. We haven’t been able to get pregant since then. My prayer request would first be to get pregant but I do pray that whatever path the Lord has me on I would be faithful to him and trust him in every step. He has great plans for us :)

    Beth’s last blog post..Dinner Match Ups:Easy Supreme Nachos

  9. Keely – thank you for sharing that! The dates aren’t what’s big, it’s God’s faithfulness and love.:) I pray that your pregnancy continues to go very well.

    Carollyn – thank you so much for telling me. I will be praying for them. My heart just broke when I read your comment.

    MelRae, Autumn thank you for sharing your stories and I will be praying for you both as well this week.

    Zsera – I will be praying for you this week. I’m sorry for your loss, and I pray you will have peace during your time of grieving. And I also pray for some baby dust for you and your man. :)

  10. I found tears in my eyes as I read this post. I lost my baby at 21 weeks this past November. I have never experienced anything so painful. As my EDD gets closer and closer (March 23), I find it harder and harder to hold it together. I know God has a plan for us and eventually it will all be reealed, but it is still sometimes difficult to get through the days. I would appreciate your prayers. I will be sure to keep you in mine.

  11. Thank you for sharing. I just found out over the weekend my cousin lost her 6 week old baby girl. She had heart problems. My SIL also lost her baby boy over the summer. I would truly appreciate any prayers for these two wonderful women.

    I just found out last week we are expecting a third child. With the recent losses in my family, I am feeling pretty blessed and a bit scared of experiencing something similar to them.

  12. Thank you so much for sharing. We lost our son, Alexander Samuel, on November 7th, 2008 due to pPROM at 19w4d. This journey has been devastating and the grief overwhelming. It is encouraging to know that you have found some peace. Maybe I will be that fortunate someday.

  13. My husband and I were so excited with the news of our second child. I already had 2 – our first son together and a daughter that was placed in an open adoption years prior (and a whole other story). With both of these pregnancies, I was very ill with morning sickness, but this time I was not – only small bouts here and there.

    With this, I knew God was preparing me. In my heart, I knew things were not good, but I never voiced it too much; only a passing comment here or there that was always dismissed by those around me.

    We went to the doctor 1 day before 12 wks and he could not find the heartbeat. I told him my worries and he too dismissed it. We went on from there to a scheduled ultrasound where I was faced with the reality that my gut feeling all along was coming true. There were no words – none. Only tears and silence.

    Our due date of April 4, 2008 came and went without news of another pregnancy. Then, the annniversary of our loss, September 17th, came and went – again without any news.

    I still sit here today feeling the Lord’s comfort knowing he has plans for our family.

    I am so sorry to hear that you are a member of this “club” as well – the one that none of us wish to be in. Thank you for this post – it’s almost theraputic to talk about it and see other’s stories.

    I pray for God’s comfort to anyone that walks this path.

    (((HUGS)))

    Becky’s last blog post..RESTAURANT.COM

  14. Thank-you. I miscarried my 3rd child 3 months ago at 9 weeks. I have never been through something so isolating. I felt that people either avoided me because I made them uncomfortable or they said things that hurt like “well, at least you’re still young and can get pregnant again.” No one seemed to understand that a future child could not REPLACE this child in my heart. Sure, I hope to have another child, but it will never replace the one I had already come to love. Thank-you for sharing your heart. We have seen God work in conversations since this time and open doors that could only be opened through such raw emotion as we were experiencing. Praise God, for we trust Him all the time! We know that he will turn these ashes into beauty!

  15. Crystal, this is a very heartfelt post and amazing testimony of what God does. Although I have never been in this situation myself, my sister-in-law lost her baby boy in September, about 2 hours after he was born. It was tough on the whole family and I saw the pain they had to endure. But I also saw their tremendous faith and the peace that surpasses understanding!

    I agree with the prayers being said and pray for faith and peace for all of you as well!

  16. We also suffered the pain of a miscarriage of a baby a few years ago. So the next time we got pregnant, we checked my progesterone levels and used progesterone injections to help maintain the pregnancy. You can find more about progesterone supplementation during pregnancy here:

    http://www.naprotechnology.com/progesterone.htm

    It is thanks to progesterone supplementation (injections) during pregnancy (all the way through the 3rd trimester in our case) that we are now blessed with a dear son. In any future pregnancies we will continue to monitor progesterone levels and supplement progesterone if necessary. I would encourage anyone who has had a prior miscarriage to consider testing progesterone levels during future pregnancies. If anyone needs more information about this, please feel free to contact me.

    $ Money Savin’ Momma $
    http://www.engineeradebtfreelife.com/

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  17. What an inspiring story for all the other moms out there that have lost babies. We do have an Awesome God. He has everything planned out for us. We just need to seek his guidance and then listen to him. I’m so thankful to God for the precious gift he has blessed you with.

  18. Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like no one can really understand what you go through when you lose a baby unless they themselves have experienced a similar loss. Last April I went in for my 16 week check-up, and my son had no heartbeat. I deliverd him 3 days later. There are no words to describe the depth of the loss & hurt that one goes through. The only thing that has gotten me through the last nine months has been God — He has been my strength, my hope, and my joy. He has poured out His grace on me and my family like I can’t even describe. I have a little girl who just turned 2, an amazing husband, and a family who has held me up in prayer when nothing else could hold me up. I too am pregnant again and due in April. It has been a long journey so far, and I have learned to trust God all over again. Like you said, this new baby will NEVER take the place of my Nathan, but I am excited that we are having another son. I don’t know why Nathan had to die, but I do know that if I can help people who have gone through the same thing and point them to the God who has gotten me through it, then it seems to make a little more sense.

  19. What a touching post! I don’t know what it is like to miscarry, but I DO know what it is like to have the doctors tell you there is something wrong with your baby. I was about 25 weeks along with our 2nd son when the doctors told us that our baby had craniosynostosis (premature fusion of the bones in the skull). I kept hoping and praying with each ultra sound that things would miraculously change, but it didn’t. In fact, with each ultrasound our son’s head became worse. The closer and closer I got to full term the more anxious, nervous, hopeful, scared, etc I became. I didn’t want our precious newborn to need neurosurgery! Just having people ask how my pregnancy was going would bring me to tears. I wasn’t sad that I would be having a “different” child, I was deeply horrified of having to watch my baby have his head cut open and then after surgery trying to comfort him while he’s in an unknown-to-me amount of pain. After a long, emotional pregnancy and nothing short of a MIRACLE vaginal delivery, he came out a perfectly healthy baby.
    HOW this could happen? I knew it was because of God. I know it is not always in God’s plan for babies to come out healthy and perfect. I believe God sends us trials so that we can grow from them and become stronger in our faith.
    I know that God heard my prayers, and that he still does. I know that His plan far exceeds our understanding.
    I definitely needed this experience in my life because it helped me grow closer to the Savior. My prayers have become more sincere, and I have an added measure of compassion and love for others that I couldn’t have obtained otherwise.

  20. Your story is amazing and I’m glad you have that wonderful baby in your life now. We have all had struggles…mine resulted in 4 losses before the birth of my twins. I’m doubly blessed and pray everyday that I do right by them and Thank God for them.

  21. I check out your site on almost a daily basis and how crazy to come across this post today. Two years ago TODAY I lost my sweet baby girl, Kiara Mae, when I was 5 months along. I also had a medical procedure to and have since regretted it and wish I would have let nature take its course. Just before reading this we had put out a mini solar lighted memorial bench in memory of our baby angel. I since have lost two other babies (all 3 losses within the same year 2007) and we have decided to no longer try but I do have a 4 year old son who is my special gift! Thanks for sharing your story!

  22. Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing. What a heartwarming story that renews hope and faith. God is awesome!

  23. We too suffered a loss. We lost 2 babies within a year, and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It has gotten easier but the pain is always there. I thank you for writing this, and I look forward to reading about your son.

  24. wow what an amazing story, and hear you have! My little sis got pregnant again (she has lost all 3) in 1997. We were preggers at the same time… she was doing great until 24 weeks… went in, no heartbeat. The dr’s checked her into the hospitals L&D side and induced labor on the baby. She gave birth to the baby shortly thereafter. The nursing staff put a special note on her door to let others know that this wasn’t a “happy” delivery…. they also created a box for her of the baby’s feet/hand prints, weight and length… and sex. I don’t think to this day she has ever opened that box to know the answers.. too painful. I understand the reasoning behind the L&D side, but it just seems so harsh to have these women on the same floor or area as mothers who have healthy normal deliveries. I can’t wait to read your next edition. God Bless!

  25. I want to say that I read your blog first thing every morning and this story is truly inspiring. I just recently had twin girls and it would be devastating if anything happen to one of them so I could only imagine how you feel about your lost. I knew my babies personality while they were in my womb (even though they were identical). It is such a wonderful feeling to see them smile at me. God has truly bless you and I just want to let you know that you are a blessing to so many other. THANK YOU!!! Congrats!

  26. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s always amazing to see how the Lord ministers to us in special ways. I’m continually amazed and thankful as I look back over my own experiences with miscarriage and loss and see how He was at work the whole time.

    Crystal’s last blog post..I’m Laughing

  27. you made my shiver. Nobody talks about infant loss or miscarriage… well except us. I have been talked down to (I guess you could say) for talking about the baby’s we have lost. My husband and I have four living children. We lost one at 8weeks to miscarriage and then most recently in July at 6weeks again to miscarriage. He will not talk about it but has FINALLY realized that I will never let it go. They are forever in our hearts. God is good and we are blessed. I am so thankful that your Eli is healthy and you continue to love your Lord even though you lost your sweet baby.
    Happy day.

  28. Thanks for your testimony. Losing a baby is so hard. My hubby and I lost a baby at 10 weeks, between our two girls now. Those were some of the hardest days of our lives. And it made the next pregnancy (I got pregnant again a couple months later) so much scarier. But God is good. He brings us through and teaches us in the midst of trials. I have a greater sympathy now for those who have trouble conceiving or who have lost babies and I think that’s part of the reason we lost our precious baby–to better be able to “mourn with those who mourn.”

    Amber’s last blog post..free coffee at panera tomorrow!

  29. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It always amazes me how many of us have been through this. We have lost 5 all together, 18, 17, 14, 12, and 8 weeks. It never gets easier, even though i have 2 babies now, i still could cry in an instant over my babies in heaven. You are right, it only only with God’s grace, that we are able to go on. Hugs, from one mom to another :)

  30. Thank you for sharing. I too lost my first baby to a miscarriage. At my 6 week follow up appointment I was pregnant with my daughter who just turned 6 last week. Those days following the miscarriage were terrible. My husband and i called in sick to work and barely functioned. Only by the grace of God were we able to move forward. Our son was born 2 years later and from the beginning I thought something was wrong, but the doctor at the hospital said he was fine. I called my ped and insisted that he check out my newborn. It took a lot of convincing to get an appointment, but I insisted and discovered that at 4 days old he had lost considerable weight. Finally at 2 weeks old we took him to the Children’s Hospital ER to discover he had a urinary tract infection, bladder and kidney problems. He then spent 10 days in the hospital. It was a very lonely time and I drew strength from God and from other Moms who have sat at the bedside of a helpless infant hooked up to tubes. Evan is now 4 years old and thriving. Since this time whenever I hear of a miscarriage or sick infant I feel compelled to reach out to the parents even if I don’t know them well to share and pray for and with them.

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