There’s a question I’ve wrestled with for much of my life: What is my purpose? It always felt like this elusive miraculous thing I eventually needed to find in order to FINALLY find my way and be fulfilled.
When I was in school, I “KNEW” I needed to study music to fulfill my purpose…
When I met my husband, I “KNEW” I needed to get married to fulfill my purpose…
When I got married, I “KNEW” I had to have children to fulfill my purpose…
When my husband and I both got laid off at the beginning of the recession, I “KNEW” I had to start an online business to fulfill my purpose….
When I started a website, I “KNEW” I had to write about things like others in order to fulfill my purpose…
and the list goes on and on and on and on.
Years later after a broken family, several “failed” businesses and broken friendships, I did feel like a failure because what I “KNEW” to be my purpose felt so tied up in all of these things.
I asked myself, what was the purpose of these broken situations?
That question alone caused more pain than I care to admit. Looking for a purpose in agonizingly evil situations caused by others can send one on a spiral of depression and pain for a long time.
But then I learned something about failure that made me realize I am not destroyed nor devastated by it.
It’s human nature to strive to be better and do something to fulfill a sort of “higher calling.” It’s one of the basic human needs to feel significance…whether it’s the teenager trying to act cool in order to feel significant with his peers or the Mom changing how she makes meals in order to feel significance.
It’s normal in life to want recognition and acceptance.
But how much of our lives are shaped by the high price of significance?
Are you really living the way you want, doing the things you want to do, and simply just enjoying the journey vs. constantly fighting towards what you think you “KNOW” to be your purpose?
I’m not so sure. While I’m still figuring it out on this life journey and I may be wrong in all these ramblings, I do know one thing.
There are no failures. Only lessons. And my significance is not tied up some magical “purpose” or how the world sees me.
Whether anything I do has significance or not, I need to enjoy the journey while being happy with who I am.
And that I suppose, may be the purpose I was looking for all along. Albeit, in all the wrong places.
Much Love – Crystal